First-Time Dad for Baby
So you're going to become a father. Now is not the time to panic. You've got lots of time to get used to the idea, before that new life you helped create, arrives to join your own. These tips for a first-time Dad will help you to survive the pre-baby and post-birth jitters.
Be supportive of your partner during the pregnancy. Some women have a more difficult time than others, and the fluctuation of hormones can bring on everything from mood swings to what seems to be unreasonable irritation with you, and everything else. While you may not understand her moods, remember that they are transient, and weather them in whatever way works best for you both. She may be irritated, but would appreciate a simple gesture like flowers, a foot rub, or even a cup of tea without having to get up. You'll find your own paths to peace, as the pregnancy progresses.
Play An Active Role Throughout The Pregnancy
Presuming that you've educated yourself and are supporting your partner as described above, you really ought to attend as many prenatal medical appointments as possible. Your doctor is the expert on how your pregnancy is progressing and can answer the questions you need or want to know. It is a good idea to get to know your partner's doctor since he or she will be the one in charge during delivery. Building a rapport early will make the later stages that much easier. Men shouldn't be afraid to ask the questions that their partners are afraid to ask.
You've brought up a marvelous point. Babies are fragile. They're delicate, tiny little things, and most of the guys I know are not delicate, tiny little things themselves and tend to be a little more physical or a little more strong-handed. My recommendation to a lot of dads is: Go into a nursery at a hospital. Ask permission and watch the nurses work with babies. And if you've ever seen the nurses in a nursery work with babies, they work firmly but very delicately. They'll pick a baby up and they know just how to do it. They slide their hands right in there; they pick the baby up firmly; they turn the baby. They're careful about joints, careful about legs and feet, and about the neck and the head; but they're not quite as tentative and fragile about it as we might think. They pick up the baby and they move the baby with a sense of certainty about what they're doing. They're gentle but they're firm. It's a great lesson for dads.
When the baby arrives, don't be upset if you don't fall in love immediately. You're excited to be a father, but often men think they are failing in some respect, when they don't feel the same overwhelming bond that a mother does. But you didn't carry another life inside you for nine months. So one of the best tips for a first-time Dad, is to give yourself time to love, and be loved back.
With children, even with a child twenty-one, nineteen, and sixteen at this point, I want to say: expect the unexpected. So if a new dad ends up with a child who cries and is colicky, it is going to make him anxious. It may make mom anxious and worried if the crying is persistent. Of course, pediatrician can be helpful, but one of the things we can do right off the bat it that dad can take some of the heat off mom by saying, "Don't you get up. I'm going to get up this time." And when dad gets up, mom stays in bed, relaxes, lets go a little bit. Dad gets up and leaves any frustration or anxiety at the door of the nursery, walks in, and is relaxed, calm, and recognizes his competency in terms of picking up this child, walking with the child, talking to the child, holding the child firmly and gently, and just moving with the child until the baby is asleep again.
Because you have been basically on the "outside" of things until the birth, you may not feel you're really an integral part of their life. Nothing could be further from the truth, because you are now a father, and with that comes all the responsibilities and worries that a mother has.
Parenting isn't done alone, it's done together, with the two of you supporting each other, giving each other breaks from the routine and stresses, as well as taking pleasure in watching your child grow and thrive, together.
Be supportive of your partner during the pregnancy. Some women have a more difficult time than others, and the fluctuation of hormones can bring on everything from mood swings to what seems to be unreasonable irritation with you, and everything else. While you may not understand her moods, remember that they are transient, and weather them in whatever way works best for you both. She may be irritated, but would appreciate a simple gesture like flowers, a foot rub, or even a cup of tea without having to get up. You'll find your own paths to peace, as the pregnancy progresses.Play An Active Role Throughout The Pregnancy
Presuming that you've educated yourself and are supporting your partner as described above, you really ought to attend as many prenatal medical appointments as possible. Your doctor is the expert on how your pregnancy is progressing and can answer the questions you need or want to know. It is a good idea to get to know your partner's doctor since he or she will be the one in charge during delivery. Building a rapport early will make the later stages that much easier. Men shouldn't be afraid to ask the questions that their partners are afraid to ask.
You've brought up a marvelous point. Babies are fragile. They're delicate, tiny little things, and most of the guys I know are not delicate, tiny little things themselves and tend to be a little more physical or a little more strong-handed. My recommendation to a lot of dads is: Go into a nursery at a hospital. Ask permission and watch the nurses work with babies. And if you've ever seen the nurses in a nursery work with babies, they work firmly but very delicately. They'll pick a baby up and they know just how to do it. They slide their hands right in there; they pick the baby up firmly; they turn the baby. They're careful about joints, careful about legs and feet, and about the neck and the head; but they're not quite as tentative and fragile about it as we might think. They pick up the baby and they move the baby with a sense of certainty about what they're doing. They're gentle but they're firm. It's a great lesson for dads.
When the baby arrives, don't be upset if you don't fall in love immediately. You're excited to be a father, but often men think they are failing in some respect, when they don't feel the same overwhelming bond that a mother does. But you didn't carry another life inside you for nine months. So one of the best tips for a first-time Dad, is to give yourself time to love, and be loved back.
With children, even with a child twenty-one, nineteen, and sixteen at this point, I want to say: expect the unexpected. So if a new dad ends up with a child who cries and is colicky, it is going to make him anxious. It may make mom anxious and worried if the crying is persistent. Of course, pediatrician can be helpful, but one of the things we can do right off the bat it that dad can take some of the heat off mom by saying, "Don't you get up. I'm going to get up this time." And when dad gets up, mom stays in bed, relaxes, lets go a little bit. Dad gets up and leaves any frustration or anxiety at the door of the nursery, walks in, and is relaxed, calm, and recognizes his competency in terms of picking up this child, walking with the child, talking to the child, holding the child firmly and gently, and just moving with the child until the baby is asleep again.
Because you have been basically on the "outside" of things until the birth, you may not feel you're really an integral part of their life. Nothing could be further from the truth, because you are now a father, and with that comes all the responsibilities and worries that a mother has.
Parenting isn't done alone, it's done together, with the two of you supporting each other, giving each other breaks from the routine and stresses, as well as taking pleasure in watching your child grow and thrive, together.
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